I mentioned over on Live, Laugh, Love, Lactate that I'm in the middle.
Right now, it's not a good place to be.
It's been one of those days. Actually, it's been a few of those days.
I work so hard to get my supply up and after several weeks on the galactagouges, I'm still not seeing an increase in my supply. I'm taking about 20 capsules of herbs 3x a day and no visible results yet?!?
I just get so tired of the routine sometimes. It takes me much longer to complete a feeding session than it does for most BF moms and FF moms. I nurse for 20 minutes and then feed her supplemented BM and formula and then pump. By the time I'm done, it's at least 45 minutes. Then I have to clean bottles and pump parts and before I know it, her internal timer goes off and we do it all over again. Ugh.
Sometimes I get so frustrated because I think to myself, "I'm already cleaning bottles so I might as well be a full-time FF mom, right?" and "Where's the 'saving' benefit of BF when I still have to lug around bottles and formula when we're out and about, not to mention the pump if we're gone for the day?" And, as a BFAR mom, BF is not more economical than FF right now because I'm still buying formula (though not nearly as much as a full-time supply) and tons of galactagoues to try to keep my supply.
And then I remember.....
it's not about me.
It's about my beautiful daughter. And if that's the routine I have to have in order to give her even just a few drops for a strong immune system, then it's worth it. I try to focus on the positives. Every little drop of gold is good for her. We have lots of skin-to-skin time together. I feel like we have a "secret" that no one else can be a part of since I'm the only one who can feed her. Heck, BF forces me to keep up my water intake so there's another positive. Not to mention, I have lost all of my pregnancy weight and then some since I'm spending so much time nursing her instead of snacking.
No, the middle isn't always a great place to be, but right now, it is.